Right, so the other night, i had this like, well i don't know what you wanna call it, but it was like kinda of an argument, discussion, whatever, with my boss. And words were said, that were really hurtful. That night i was in tears. Couldn't even hold back. Cause you may or may not know, my boss and i, apart from our work relationship, we have a friendship. At work, she is my Manager and i am her Assistant Manager, and outside of work we are friends, tell each other everything, do whatever we can for each other, offer that shoulder to one another. I don't know if you've ever been in a position like that, but it is VERY hard to separate those relationships at work, around others but we still try. So that night i guess maybe i was outta line, but so was she, in more ways than one. I had to let out all that anger, sadness, confusion out that night, and thank God Miley was up and able to just listen to me vent. I literally typed for like 30 minutes straight, without her saying a word, and once i was done, she said what she had to say. And that means alot... to just sit there, for 30 minutes, reading and reading as i typed. But it felt SO good to have someone there and someone who understood! So thank you Miles, really, you are such a great listener and friend! I love you.
So, i was kinda indecisive of whether i should go the next day to the store and confront her or wait until Tuesday when we worked together again. But i decided to go. So the next morning i texted her and said "Jackie, i wanted to tell you that i am still very hurt from the conversation we had last night, but this needs to be discussed in PERSON so I'm passing by the store to talk this out like it should be done." and she replied saying "Ashley, before anything, im sorry about all of this and i know how you feel cause i feel the same way believe it or not, i love and care for you a lot and so if it makes you feel better, come and pass by but i'm not going to argue." .... and i left it at that. I went that afternoon and it was kinda awkward at first? But we left the store and took a walk and stopped and just started discussion everything. It wasn't that she simply didn't like what i had told her, she just didn't like the way i said it to her and stuff. And i tried to make it clear why i said it, and blah blah blah ... came back in the store, went to the back so she could take her break, and talked some more ... and one thing she did mention, that i was actually shocked about, was that she heard something, that wasn't even meant for her to hear. That day, i was upset, about numerous things, not just because of her, but of other things too, and my co worker had come up to me and was like " Ashley, forget about it. Let it go. Don't listen to her." and i completely reacted without thinking and said " you know what, Fuck Jackie! I'm going on break.." and i went on my lunch break. And apparently, Jackie heard me, but didn't say anything to me. And when i was in the back on break, she went back there twice, ready to say something to me, but she didn't. Cause she noticed i was crying ( about something else ) and she just left and slammed the door behind her.
That was incredibly immature of me, i admit that. I really had no right to say that. I said it without thinking and out of anger and it was not meant for her to hear, but i guess i said it too loud. She brought that up when we talked and i just didn't have words to tell her back. I was wrong there. But i also said to her "you said i wasn't a true friend, so please, tell me, what is the definition of a true friend for you?" and she just looked at me, and words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She was kinda just like " Ashley, that, that i didn't mean that. That was said out of anger, lets just drop it all. I don't wanna talk about this anymore." and i said " No! Tell me, apparently I'm not a true friend so please, tell me..." and she just kinda said the same thing, that she didn't mean it, that at that moment she was very disappointed and blah blah blah, then we got more into the conversation and tears were literally strolling down her face. Which was only shocking because, i thought i was gonna be the one to shed tears first, but i didn't. But at least i could tell she was hurt too by everything that happened. I apologized for everything and so did she. And we left it at that.
Before leaving the store, i said goodbye, we bear hugged and she said "I Love You..." and she got an "I Love You Too". This is very much a lesson learned. You learn there are limits, and a time and place where things should be said, and things that shouldn't be said at all. That hurt was necessary. You kinda realize what it's like to hurt and be hurt by those you truly care about. So what if she is my "Boss" in the daytime. She is also my friend, regardless of the age difference between us. So um yeah, hopefully things fall into place now. It was a good decision going in right then, then waiting days to pass and prolly making matters worse.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring.
<33 Ashley
1/29/10
Life Is Just Unfair
I'm in the worst mood ever right now. I'm feeling SO many mixed emotions right now. None of them are any good either. I would write what I feel and why, but ... I don't really want nor need anyones opinions, comments or judgments on it right NOW. So I'm just gonna keep it to myself for now. Maybe ill write a poem later on to release all this tension.
But, I just made a puddle of tears in this cold back room. It kinda made my face warm. Hadn't cried in a while now, but I just couldn't hold in tears anymore. I'm weak. Very weak. As strong as I'd like to make myself believe that I am, I really am not. I'm strong for others, but not for myself. How is that even possible? Doesn't make any sense to me. But honestly, does any of this? I don't know. But hey, I needa get back to work unfortunately ... Story of my life.
</3 Ash
12/30/09
Drained .
I am exactly what my title says. Drained. I am soo incredibly exhausted. I'm on 2 hours of sleep. That's my own fault though. I was up till like 5 am talking to an old friend. My oldest friend I should say. I've known her since I was 3 years old. And I remember every single memory I ever shared with her. Down to when she was in the hospital room with my mother and I when my brother was born almost 16 years ago. Crazy huh ? And so we hadn't talked in ages. Literally. And we ended up chatting it up for about 3 hours. We talked bout everything. Boys, family, and yup church. Her and I grew up in the same church. Mind you, her uncle, is the church's pastor and MY Godfather. We grew up there. She is of "Christian" faith. But we still got on subject as to how could most, if not all church go'ers be so judgmental of the outside "world"? They are the ones that should accept you for who you are, like Jesus has cause, correct me if I'm wrong, but your supposed to be following His example ... Right? yee of Christian faith? (This is in no way, shape or form towards anyone in particular... At ALL.) And she was just telling me how everyone at that church has changed so dramatically and they just wanna dominate everything and how they are all so fake, etc .. Not gonna get into that much being the subject that it is.
But anywho ! I'm in such need of medical attention. But I haven't been able to see a doctor yet. I have all the symptoms of anemia again. Lord knows I don't wanna become anemic all over again. Sleeping too much, then insomnia, feeling weak, lack of appetite, not to mention haven't had my period in 3 months? Oh I'm sorry, too much info? Deal with it. And I have every freaking symptom of freaking medical depression. Not something I want at all. I don't wanna be popping pills for every single little thing I have. Also worried bout diabetes, the cyst on my wrist that won't go away and why I keep losing so much weight. In a nut shell? I need blood work done -_- imma get all that checked out come the new year. I need to be more responsible for myself. I can't continue to be stressed and have these sleepless nights, etc. Not doing me justice.
Not to mention, I have boy drama. So I'm dating my boss's son. "OMG! Ash! How coul.. Why wouldd... That's not ..." Yeaaah, save it. I've heard it all. And its actually not as complicated as it may seem, as far as the situation goes. The boy on the other hand, is just ugh. He refuses to take the GED exam. And I'm noone to MAKE someone do something but, when I'm involved, it does have affect on me. He is "madly in love" with me, would do anything for me apparently, but won't do a stupid test? He pictures us spending "forever" together.. Well, I don't picture me together with someone without a future cause clearly you need a HS diploma or equivalent to get into college, etc. I refuse to have kids and be like " oh yeah, your father was a HS dropout simply and only because he doesn't like school (his actual reason) but you, you have to go to school cause I said so. Like wtf, what is the kid gonna think? I'm pretty sure you can't support a family as a overnight security guard for a job earning what, $12 buck an hour ? Get. Real. I told him all this ... Straight up. I was over his house last night. Arguing for hours. And of course, Jackie (his mom, my boss) kept coming upstairs all nosy knocking ... "Ashley, umm, do you want something to drink?" "NO. I'm fine thanks" .... 20 mins later "umm Ashley, want a sandwich?" "NOO JACKIE!" ... Yeah I was pretty annoyed. Then she started texting me and I told her to mind her own business. Yeaaah I felt bad after. Whatevs. Went downstairs, he went outside & started to cry? Like wtf. He says he's scared he is gonna "lose me" cause he doesn't wanna do the exam. Ha. No comment. Its not even over a freaking exam. Its deeper than that. Hopefully you see my point of view. "I don't like school. I don't like it" just doesn't cut it for me at ALL! And I feel bad for my boss cause she feels like such a failure of a mom. But she is an amazing mom. You can tell. She is amazing altogether. Despite it all. The kid needs a little work. Well, he's not even a kid. He's a grown ass man who'll be 22 years old next week! Whatevs. I'm dropping the subject.
Ughh. I tell you, life isn't easy, but making it through even though you feel weak, makes you stronger than you think you are. I'm lost. I'm in a phase where I don't know what I want. I don't know where I stand. Don't know what I have. But hey, in order to find yourself you have to lose yourself first, right ? Maybe you don't see it that way. It doesn't matter. Its how I see it and its what imma stand by.
On a happier note, my Xmas was pretty decent. Spent Xmas eve @ Jackies. Got quite a few gifts from there. Gave her her gift too. Secret Santa exchange at work was also a success. One of the associates had me. Got a shirt & some unknown fragrance :| ill take what I can get though. My parents gave me something. Shocking. I know. And I gave them something too. Bigger shocker? No, not so much. I always give. You should know me. Tomorrow is new year eve. I'm off from work. Whoop ! I don't have anything planned. I refuse to make plans with anyone anymore. Its always a fail and disappointment. So imma try and live day by day and if u catch me not busy, then we can hang. If not, your SOL. So who knows where ill be tomorrow night. With that said, I think I've blogged enough from my phone today. I hope your Xmas was great! And that you have fun welcoming the new year. Make the best of it. Start it off fresh. With a positive mind set. Its 2010 people ! See you on the other side !
Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring. I love you !
XOXO, Ashley
12/9/09
Myspace Bloggs ;)
These are posts i have written on my Myspace Blog BUT ... since not everyone has a myspace, i guess i'll share them over HURR lol.
"I Shoulda Known Better" (2009)
Verse 1:
Those words you used to say to me,
that soothed me like an ocean breeze,
have now become a distant memory,
too far back for my mind to see.
You fooled this young brown eyed girl,
telling her lies when she gave you her world.
When you say I love you it stabs my heart,
cause your the one who decided we should be apart...
Chorus 1:
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known the game you play,
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known you'd have your way,
I shoulda known better
Than to give my heart away... To you.
Verse 2:
I tried to make us what we'd never be,
I guess that's what really got to me.
I gave you the stars and the moon,
but I think I gave them to you a bit too soon.
I gave you my heart not once but twice,
and ended up paying the ultimate price.
Chorus 2:
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known this day would arise
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known your eyes hid lies
I shoulda known better
Than to breakdown and cry... For you
Bridge:
So much honesty, so much trust
Our love turned to ashes and ashes to dust
Why did you leave my heart all alone
Baby baby I shoulda known....
Chorus 1:
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known the game you play
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known you'd have your way
I shoulda known better
Than to give my heart away... To you.
"It's Too Late" (2009)
You’re hot and your cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re just like Katy Perry sings
How many times have I told you so?
We went through this once
Now we’re going through it again
I think this just about did it
This little game has got to end
All those sleepless nights I’ve suffered
Not knowing what to do
Were all because I couldn’t
Stop thinking about you
Wow, you’ve sunk that low?
“we shouldn’t talk anymore”
Is this the kind of guy
I’m shedding my tears for?
You’ve blocked my digits
You’re ignoring my texts
Now I fear what’s lurking
Around the corner next
Why am I giving my all
To one who clearly has moved on
That “first love” we once had
Has now disappeared, it’s gone
You were my first but now its sunk in
That you wont be my last
Damn I never thought
This could all happen so fast
Don’t you know your killing me slowly
I’m in the process of losing all I had
Nothing in this world could’ve prepared me
For this pain that hurts so bad
You let the others manipulate you
You’ve been blinded by their opinions
Here I was fighting for you
Thinking I’d be your one in a million
I can’t stay living in the past
I’ve got all my life to live
I know there is someone out there
Who deserves the love I give
At last no strings attached
Feel free to go out on your dates
Just remember what you let go of
Cause as of yesterday, its officially too late…
These next ones were written with miss "Miley Cyrus" in mind ... <3 "Who Am I?" (2009)
I'm far from what you think of me
Go ahead and tell me what you see
I’m not sorry I’m not who you want me to be
I’m tired of hearing “what kind of role model is she?”
Your head is filled with butterflies
I can’t believe you believe these lies
Like “yeah she’s been with so many guys”
But who am I kidding, that’s no surprise
“You’re gonna end up like Britney Spears!”
Gee thanks, but you really think i'm gonna run in tears?
Actually that’s the best compliment I’ve heard all year
Nothing can break me, sorry my dear.
“You’re a hoe, you’re a slut” yes i've heard it all
And I know half the world wants to see me fall
I’m sheltered by angels who come when I call
And there’s nothing you can do to break down that wall
In about 5 years I’ll be twenty one
Even then are you gonna bash me for having fun?
Or will this entire episode of my life be rerun?
Cause when I think it’s finally over I find out its just begun
As much as you’d like to start a war
I’m above your level that’s for sure
Your opinions I will simply ignore
Yeah go ahead hate on me some more
God, Friends, Family is all I need
To help me move forward and succeed
Into your negativity I will not feed
Cause I’m not a follower, baby I lead.
"Like A Virus" (2009)
I wish you could feel the way I feel
When you say those words to me,
How I wish that I could say them back
So you know just what I mean.
I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion
Sorry u don’t like the way I dress,
But the last time I checked
It’s not you I’m here to impress.
Sorry im no longer a pre-teen
On a television show,
& just cause I wear shorts
Don’t make me a hoe.
Why are you trying to bash and trash me?
You’re just mad I can rock it and you can’t,
Well sorry honey nobody
Wants to listen to you rant.
Just a little reminder
I’m 16 and grown,
And I can very much make
Choices on my own.
You’re hating cause my style
Is sick like a virus
For the rest of your life
You’re gonna remember M Cyrus!
"Don't Judge" (2009)
Just cause you see my face
Up on the tv
And you know my name
Don’t mean you know me
You seem a little concerned
Over my well being
About my friends & family
And who I’m seeing
I wish you’d recognize
My life is not your concern
I don’t know what else to do or say
Until you finally learn
Let me live my life
Let me do what I do
Let me go my own way
Without hearing a word from you
Before you judge me
Go check out a 4th grade classroom
I’ll bet you’ll find little girls in tight shorts
Growing up just a bit too soon
Oh and yes before you judge me
Go & grab your daughters phone
And see what kind of pictures she takes
When she’s home alone
Oh and one last thing
If you judge me, then I’ll judge you
And honey that is something
You would not want me to do"
"Through Her Eyes" (2009)
In the hidden part of a pop stars life
You’ll find tears that have yet to fall
You’ll find pain that has yet to hurt
Cause all you see is the side that shines
But who sees the dimmer side at all??
Whom I play is not who I am
Simply an added side of me,
Cause the hidden part of this pop stars life
Is something deeper than what you see.
The girl i stare at in the mirror
Makeup, hair and all,
Is the girl so many want to be
Yet I’m the one they want to see fall.
Brushing up against the wall,
Guitar in hand with no thoughts at all
Just playing the first thing that comes to mind.
busy days turn to lonely nights
Wishing i had more time to myself,
Just me and my guitar, no one else
Time to think back of how life used to be,
And realize, this life is now a part of me.
Picture here, pose there
Paparazzi don’t even care.
Calling me names I don’t deserve
I can’t believe they had the nerve.
I can’t fathom why people are so mean,
Is this the price to live my dream?
They say I’m too big, now im showing too much
Sometimes I feel like ive had enough
But with the push of the people I love the most
I know I can’t give up cause im so close
To fulfilling my purpose and dream
To bring hope is my destiny.
THANKS FOR READING !!! <3 <3
-Ash
"I Shoulda Known Better" (2009)
Verse 1:
Those words you used to say to me,
that soothed me like an ocean breeze,
have now become a distant memory,
too far back for my mind to see.
You fooled this young brown eyed girl,
telling her lies when she gave you her world.
When you say I love you it stabs my heart,
cause your the one who decided we should be apart...
Chorus 1:
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known the game you play,
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known you'd have your way,
I shoulda known better
Than to give my heart away... To you.
Verse 2:
I tried to make us what we'd never be,
I guess that's what really got to me.
I gave you the stars and the moon,
but I think I gave them to you a bit too soon.
I gave you my heart not once but twice,
and ended up paying the ultimate price.
Chorus 2:
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known this day would arise
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known your eyes hid lies
I shoulda known better
Than to breakdown and cry... For you
Bridge:
So much honesty, so much trust
Our love turned to ashes and ashes to dust
Why did you leave my heart all alone
Baby baby I shoulda known....
Chorus 1:
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known the game you play
I shoulda known better
Shoulda known you'd have your way
I shoulda known better
Than to give my heart away... To you.
"It's Too Late" (2009)
You’re hot and your cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re just like Katy Perry sings
How many times have I told you so?
We went through this once
Now we’re going through it again
I think this just about did it
This little game has got to end
All those sleepless nights I’ve suffered
Not knowing what to do
Were all because I couldn’t
Stop thinking about you
Wow, you’ve sunk that low?
“we shouldn’t talk anymore”
Is this the kind of guy
I’m shedding my tears for?
You’ve blocked my digits
You’re ignoring my texts
Now I fear what’s lurking
Around the corner next
Why am I giving my all
To one who clearly has moved on
That “first love” we once had
Has now disappeared, it’s gone
You were my first but now its sunk in
That you wont be my last
Damn I never thought
This could all happen so fast
Don’t you know your killing me slowly
I’m in the process of losing all I had
Nothing in this world could’ve prepared me
For this pain that hurts so bad
You let the others manipulate you
You’ve been blinded by their opinions
Here I was fighting for you
Thinking I’d be your one in a million
I can’t stay living in the past
I’ve got all my life to live
I know there is someone out there
Who deserves the love I give
At last no strings attached
Feel free to go out on your dates
Just remember what you let go of
Cause as of yesterday, its officially too late…
These next ones were written with miss "Miley Cyrus" in mind ... <3 "Who Am I?" (2009)
I'm far from what you think of me
Go ahead and tell me what you see
I’m not sorry I’m not who you want me to be
I’m tired of hearing “what kind of role model is she?”
Your head is filled with butterflies
I can’t believe you believe these lies
Like “yeah she’s been with so many guys”
But who am I kidding, that’s no surprise
“You’re gonna end up like Britney Spears!”
Gee thanks, but you really think i'm gonna run in tears?
Actually that’s the best compliment I’ve heard all year
Nothing can break me, sorry my dear.
“You’re a hoe, you’re a slut” yes i've heard it all
And I know half the world wants to see me fall
I’m sheltered by angels who come when I call
And there’s nothing you can do to break down that wall
In about 5 years I’ll be twenty one
Even then are you gonna bash me for having fun?
Or will this entire episode of my life be rerun?
Cause when I think it’s finally over I find out its just begun
As much as you’d like to start a war
I’m above your level that’s for sure
Your opinions I will simply ignore
Yeah go ahead hate on me some more
God, Friends, Family is all I need
To help me move forward and succeed
Into your negativity I will not feed
Cause I’m not a follower, baby I lead.
"Like A Virus" (2009)
I wish you could feel the way I feel
When you say those words to me,
How I wish that I could say them back
So you know just what I mean.
I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion
Sorry u don’t like the way I dress,
But the last time I checked
It’s not you I’m here to impress.
Sorry im no longer a pre-teen
On a television show,
& just cause I wear shorts
Don’t make me a hoe.
Why are you trying to bash and trash me?
You’re just mad I can rock it and you can’t,
Well sorry honey nobody
Wants to listen to you rant.
Just a little reminder
I’m 16 and grown,
And I can very much make
Choices on my own.
You’re hating cause my style
Is sick like a virus
For the rest of your life
You’re gonna remember M Cyrus!
"Don't Judge" (2009)
Just cause you see my face
Up on the tv
And you know my name
Don’t mean you know me
You seem a little concerned
Over my well being
About my friends & family
And who I’m seeing
I wish you’d recognize
My life is not your concern
I don’t know what else to do or say
Until you finally learn
Let me live my life
Let me do what I do
Let me go my own way
Without hearing a word from you
Before you judge me
Go check out a 4th grade classroom
I’ll bet you’ll find little girls in tight shorts
Growing up just a bit too soon
Oh and yes before you judge me
Go & grab your daughters phone
And see what kind of pictures she takes
When she’s home alone
Oh and one last thing
If you judge me, then I’ll judge you
And honey that is something
You would not want me to do"
"Through Her Eyes" (2009)
In the hidden part of a pop stars life
You’ll find tears that have yet to fall
You’ll find pain that has yet to hurt
Cause all you see is the side that shines
But who sees the dimmer side at all??
Whom I play is not who I am
Simply an added side of me,
Cause the hidden part of this pop stars life
Is something deeper than what you see.
The girl i stare at in the mirror
Makeup, hair and all,
Is the girl so many want to be
Yet I’m the one they want to see fall.
Brushing up against the wall,
Guitar in hand with no thoughts at all
Just playing the first thing that comes to mind.
busy days turn to lonely nights
Wishing i had more time to myself,
Just me and my guitar, no one else
Time to think back of how life used to be,
And realize, this life is now a part of me.
Picture here, pose there
Paparazzi don’t even care.
Calling me names I don’t deserve
I can’t believe they had the nerve.
I can’t fathom why people are so mean,
Is this the price to live my dream?
They say I’m too big, now im showing too much
Sometimes I feel like ive had enough
But with the push of the people I love the most
I know I can’t give up cause im so close
To fulfilling my purpose and dream
To bring hope is my destiny.
THANKS FOR READING !!! <3 <3
-Ash
Same Old, Same Old ...
K, so ... I was going through my litto "Hello Kitty" binder (don't judge), which is where i keep all my poems and songs and stuff and realized, i've been quite talented for a while .. haha ! Like, alot are from 2006 and 2007 when i was like, 16 & 17 ... Sometimes i look back at them and laugh ... sometimes i look back at them and say "Did i seriously write this?" . but when inspiration hits ... it hits ! So yeah, i guess i'll share some old stuff . I love hearing feedback from people when it comes to my writing . whether its good or bad ... i like to reflect on it. Doesn't mean imma change the way i write, cause the way i write IS me and i won't be changing ME for anyone ... but ... at lease i can get tips and ideas that i could prolly try and incorporate in my writing . So, be honest .. tell me what you think ....
"When I'm Gone" (2006)
When I'm gone will you cherish all the moments that we spent together,
Though it all i can't forget because memories last forever.
We tried to hold on through all these years,
But all of out disagreements brought us to tears.
From here on out we;re on our own,
What's next to come is still unknown.
Being that this is so hard to do,
I want you to know i still care for you.
In my mind will remain your face,
From my memory it will never erase.
"Excuses" (2007)
I hope you can't sleep at night,
Knowing that I'll never be alright.
Because of you I'm crying,
Because of you I'm dying.
I trusted you, I gave my all,
But now you stand there as i fall.
Why did you walk into my life,
And walk right out, that wasn't right ...
I don't wanna hear (nope)
I don't wanna hear, excuses.
They won't heal my heart (nope)
They won't heal my heart, they're useless.
I was so young, I was naive,
The things you said i would believe.
You said i made you happy,
You said you needed me.
I let you go but didn't see,
That once I did you weren't coming back to.
I don't wanna hear (nope)
I don't wanna hear, excuses.
They won't heal my heart (nope)
They won't heal my heart, they're useless.
"Hope. Faith. Love." (2008)
Through the worries, through the rain,
Through the struggles, and through the pain.
I've come to learn that life IS worth living.
Through the smiles, through the laughs,
Through the present, and through the past.
I've come to learn that life IS worth living.
A little bit of hope, a little bit of faith, a little bit of love,
Is all you need to make it through the day.
No need to question God above, just remember all you need
is Hope. Faith. and Love.
No matter the situation or how hard you may fall,
Just believe and you will see, you will get through it all.
[Love] the world like God loves you, have some [Faith] in all you do,
Just be [Hopeful] and your dreams will ALL come true!
"Victory" (2008)
In the midst of all the crying, in the midst of all the pain,
I'll guarantee a smile if you simply call his name.
No one can heal you faster, no one can bring the light,
The one that'll take the darkness so that you will be alright.
Declare it with me, I've got the victory,
Nothing in this world can take this joy away from me!
"When I'm Gone" (2006)
When I'm gone will you cherish all the moments that we spent together,
Though it all i can't forget because memories last forever.
We tried to hold on through all these years,
But all of out disagreements brought us to tears.
From here on out we;re on our own,
What's next to come is still unknown.
Being that this is so hard to do,
I want you to know i still care for you.
In my mind will remain your face,
From my memory it will never erase.
"Excuses" (2007)
I hope you can't sleep at night,
Knowing that I'll never be alright.
Because of you I'm crying,
Because of you I'm dying.
I trusted you, I gave my all,
But now you stand there as i fall.
Why did you walk into my life,
And walk right out, that wasn't right ...
I don't wanna hear (nope)
I don't wanna hear, excuses.
They won't heal my heart (nope)
They won't heal my heart, they're useless.
I was so young, I was naive,
The things you said i would believe.
You said i made you happy,
You said you needed me.
I let you go but didn't see,
That once I did you weren't coming back to.
I don't wanna hear (nope)
I don't wanna hear, excuses.
They won't heal my heart (nope)
They won't heal my heart, they're useless.
"Hope. Faith. Love." (2008)
Through the worries, through the rain,
Through the struggles, and through the pain.
I've come to learn that life IS worth living.
Through the smiles, through the laughs,
Through the present, and through the past.
I've come to learn that life IS worth living.
A little bit of hope, a little bit of faith, a little bit of love,
Is all you need to make it through the day.
No need to question God above, just remember all you need
is Hope. Faith. and Love.
No matter the situation or how hard you may fall,
Just believe and you will see, you will get through it all.
[Love] the world like God loves you, have some [Faith] in all you do,
Just be [Hopeful] and your dreams will ALL come true!
"Victory" (2008)
In the midst of all the crying, in the midst of all the pain,
I'll guarantee a smile if you simply call his name.
No one can heal you faster, no one can bring the light,
The one that'll take the darkness so that you will be alright.
Declare it with me, I've got the victory,
Nothing in this world can take this joy away from me!
12/4/09
Nope, Its Never Too Late <3
Andddd another one! (PS, I write all these on my phone ;)
Your broken like a headlight right after a crash, you can't focus on the present cause your caught up in the past. Depression hits you worst when you have no faith at all, and on a stormy night just like rain, you fall.
On a road that leads you wrong or right you have to decided whether to color it black or white. The storm will pass and so will the days, that bring you down and make you feel this way.
There's sunshine after rain that make up the bow, we need pain to make and help us grow. Think of the good, and you'll get the great, don't you give up, its never too late.
Comment. Opinions. Accepted.
XOXO, Ash
Words Of Inspiration :)
If you know me, you know I looove to write. And anytime I'm inspired, I just write what's on my mind. I wrote this with a special friend in mind. Hope it touches others as well.... :)
It was promised there'd always be sun to light our way but who said it'd be sunny every single day? When the sun hides, the clouds get the best of us, we go crazy with just a tad bit of wind gust.
You have no control of when the rain falls, and its hard to hear the wind when it calls. Shelter your heart in the middle of a hurricane, even thought u might be afraid of going insane.
Though you may wanna settle for the valleys that are low, you need to take a risk cuz there's so much more left to know. Mountain tops, make that your goal, aim for the prize to soothe your soul.
Wish you may, wish you might, wish on a star to help you win this fight. One against all, but your in it to win, standing up for yourself isn't a sin.
At the end of every storm you will find your rainbow, you'll find pieces to the puzzle and finally be whole. Fallen angel, take a some time to walk the mile, by faith u should know you'll finally find your smile.
Comments. Opinions. Accepted.
XOXO - Ashley
10/12/09
When Inspiration Hits, It Hits.
I was going through my phone just now and I found these 2 little whatchamacallit poems/songs i had written a few weeks ago. They ain't all that great cause it doesn't even sound finished? but whatevs, here ya go! :)
[Take Me Back]
Your expectations used to be higher
and that's when i came along,
now that I'm gone you've settled for less
and stuck in a situation you don't belong.
you can't love her like you loved me
i can see it in your eyes,
your body language says it all
once i left love for you completely died.
Maybe i made a mistake in leaving
but i wanted to explore the world,
but I've come to realize that
you are the perfect match for this girl....
so please... leave her and take me back.
I know it's you calling me
at 3am every other day,
I answer then you hang up do you
need to hear my voice to make your night okay?
Your absence is the fire that
constantly burns my soul,
without your kiss for hydration
it burns right through and leaves a hole.
But maybe i made a mistake in leaving
but i wanted to explore the world,
but I've come to realize that
you are the perfect match for this girl....
so please... leave her and take me back.
*********************************************
[It's Pain]
It's hard to remember a time,
back when you were only mine.
Cause it's so far into the past,
time didn't let the memories last.
Although the skies are blue they seem Grey,
just like the day we went our separate ways.
The sun don't shine the same,
the rain falls and thunder screams my name.
I can't get away from the rain though,
when will i be able to see my rainbow?
Misery don't even want my company,
there's no definition to describe this pain in me.
A lil depressing? Ha. It has nothing to do with me though. Actually, nothing to do wiff anybody really. I just wrote them to write it :D
<33 Ashley
[Take Me Back]
Your expectations used to be higher
and that's when i came along,
now that I'm gone you've settled for less
and stuck in a situation you don't belong.
you can't love her like you loved me
i can see it in your eyes,
your body language says it all
once i left love for you completely died.
Maybe i made a mistake in leaving
but i wanted to explore the world,
but I've come to realize that
you are the perfect match for this girl....
so please... leave her and take me back.
I know it's you calling me
at 3am every other day,
I answer then you hang up do you
need to hear my voice to make your night okay?
Your absence is the fire that
constantly burns my soul,
without your kiss for hydration
it burns right through and leaves a hole.
But maybe i made a mistake in leaving
but i wanted to explore the world,
but I've come to realize that
you are the perfect match for this girl....
so please... leave her and take me back.
*********************************************
[It's Pain]
It's hard to remember a time,
back when you were only mine.
Cause it's so far into the past,
time didn't let the memories last.
Although the skies are blue they seem Grey,
just like the day we went our separate ways.
The sun don't shine the same,
the rain falls and thunder screams my name.
I can't get away from the rain though,
when will i be able to see my rainbow?
Misery don't even want my company,
there's no definition to describe this pain in me.
A lil depressing? Ha. It has nothing to do with me though. Actually, nothing to do wiff anybody really. I just wrote them to write it :D
<33 Ashley
9/26/09
Words Of The Mind
I wrote this back in April. On my phone, while at work. I was feeling too may emotions at once. I had to let it out all then and there. And to be honest, i had never written like this before. The whole "non-rhyming" just letting it all flow as it goes type thing. And it has turned out to be one of my best to date! So please, give honest feedback, and let me know if you relate! I love to hear those stories!
"its hard to speak, when no one is willing to listen. your voice is left unheard and your mind is left full of thought. bottled up inside, with the urgent need for a bit of acknowledgment. is it hard to understand the innocent thoughts that a mind so young still seeks answers to? the flesh ages but the soul still lingers in those years where complex thoughts never streamed the mind and overpowered every emotion ever possible to exist?
is it possible that one is so oddly unique that others may find it hard to even stand their existence? to be able to feel ones emotions times those you are already feeling, to give you an overwhelming sense of supernatural ability. the thought of non-existing becomes more complex, knowing you only rid your body, not soul.
your passion becomes your fear, as others pull you down from the place you’ve set your heart in. how can one put more faith in those who have no faith in them, yet the faith in themselves has diminished? is it hard to fathom that one can play a part in any role that is not their own and fool any being into believing its original. The art of life smears onto the pages of a book still unwritten. The heart that beats as time goes on, becomes obsolete allowing mind to take over. Trust it, trust the heart and let it guide you to your destiny."
YAY! Ok ttyl. Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.
<3 Ash
"its hard to speak, when no one is willing to listen. your voice is left unheard and your mind is left full of thought. bottled up inside, with the urgent need for a bit of acknowledgment. is it hard to understand the innocent thoughts that a mind so young still seeks answers to? the flesh ages but the soul still lingers in those years where complex thoughts never streamed the mind and overpowered every emotion ever possible to exist?
is it possible that one is so oddly unique that others may find it hard to even stand their existence? to be able to feel ones emotions times those you are already feeling, to give you an overwhelming sense of supernatural ability. the thought of non-existing becomes more complex, knowing you only rid your body, not soul.
your passion becomes your fear, as others pull you down from the place you’ve set your heart in. how can one put more faith in those who have no faith in them, yet the faith in themselves has diminished? is it hard to fathom that one can play a part in any role that is not their own and fool any being into believing its original. The art of life smears onto the pages of a book still unwritten. The heart that beats as time goes on, becomes obsolete allowing mind to take over. Trust it, trust the heart and let it guide you to your destiny."
YAY! Ok ttyl. Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.
<3 Ash
9/15/09
My Angel On Earth <3
OMG OMG OMG! Sooooo, TODAY is one of my BESTEST friends birthday! She is ... uhhmm ... eternally 12 today but somehow born in 1977 LOL ! SO, anywho, first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIELLE !!! I love you SOOO SOOO much and i know i haven't shown it lately and we've kinda been not talking as much the past 2 weeks but i will forever love you no matter what! This day reminds me of when i sent you that package for your birthday THREE years ago =O seems like it was yesturday!
I just found the poem i wrote for her 3 years ago as well (gahh i was 16yrs old LOL) for her birthday and it goes:
On a late September morn,
A precious little child was born.
Brought love and joy into this world,
So much love for that little girl.
She flourished into who she’ll become,
The Lord made her a special one.
The pain and hard times she made it through,
Trusted in God when she didn’t know what to do.
Smiling through a million tears,
Learned to get rid of all her fears.
One sweet day she was filled with joy,
When the Lord gave her a precious baby boy.
She found peace in the words of a soul,
Which comforted her and made her whole.
In my heart specials ones a very few,
My love for her will always be true.
Till this day she is still so blessed
To have family and friends who wish her the best.
Enjoy this day of happiness and fun,
Happy Birthday my Angel there’s many more to come.
OMG that made me tear up! I've know this girl for only a little bit over 3 years now but it seems like FOREVER! She has been through EVERYTHING with me, and believe it or not, we've only met in person ONCE! Let me tell you out story:
We met each other through Myspace.com due to the fact that we both loved (and still very much do) Mariah Carey. We talked online for a bit, then thru phone until we were talking for HOURS on end... YES we even talked for 10 hours straight one night. The first time we met in PERSON was in June of 08. Through everything she had going on, she made the sweet sacrifice to fly out here from Missouri just to come to my high school graduation. A special day indeed. We spent that whole week together! We went to the beach and tried to make the best of it! It was AMAY-ZING! Haven't seen her in person since then but we still talk NON stop and that gurl knows like everything about me! everything! and she is 13 years OLDER than me (sorry hun LOL) but she is a kid at heart! (an adult when she has to be, c'mon she has a son! hehe)
She understands me. answers her phone @ 4am if i NEED someone to talk to (no one else does that for me) I can call her crying and she knows just what to say. She can make me laugh like NO OTHER! We have 984783924712 trillion inside jokes, we can act absolutely dumb and still understand each other (that's normal for us lol). Only God only knows why he allowed us to meet when we did and i will never ever question that. No it has not ALWAYS been rainbows and gummydrops, we HAVE had our differences and our arguments BUT WHY dwell on that or even bring it up? It's in the past! Danielle is ONE my BEST friends, no doubt. For those of you who have BEST friends, you know how AMAY-ZING it feels to have one. No matter how you've met, how you communicate, it's all about the love in your heart for each other!
I was supposed to be with her in St. Louis right now celebrating her bday but things didn't work out according to plan =[ BUT i will be there sooner or later! hopefully sooner! I miss her SOOOO much! She don't even know and i surely hope this day is going fabulous for her! I wish her nothing but the best, best, BEST! I LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEE you!! With ALLL my heart! Stay strong! Remember, Jesus LOVES you too ;] Once again, HAPPY BIRFFDAY Danielle! <33
-Love Always, Ashleyy .
I just found the poem i wrote for her 3 years ago as well (gahh i was 16yrs old LOL) for her birthday and it goes:
On a late September morn,
A precious little child was born.
Brought love and joy into this world,
So much love for that little girl.
She flourished into who she’ll become,
The Lord made her a special one.
The pain and hard times she made it through,
Trusted in God when she didn’t know what to do.
Smiling through a million tears,
Learned to get rid of all her fears.
One sweet day she was filled with joy,
When the Lord gave her a precious baby boy.
She found peace in the words of a soul,
Which comforted her and made her whole.
In my heart specials ones a very few,
My love for her will always be true.
Till this day she is still so blessed
To have family and friends who wish her the best.
Enjoy this day of happiness and fun,
Happy Birthday my Angel there’s many more to come.
OMG that made me tear up! I've know this girl for only a little bit over 3 years now but it seems like FOREVER! She has been through EVERYTHING with me, and believe it or not, we've only met in person ONCE! Let me tell you out story:
We met each other through Myspace.com due to the fact that we both loved (and still very much do) Mariah Carey. We talked online for a bit, then thru phone until we were talking for HOURS on end... YES we even talked for 10 hours straight one night. The first time we met in PERSON was in June of 08. Through everything she had going on, she made the sweet sacrifice to fly out here from Missouri just to come to my high school graduation. A special day indeed. We spent that whole week together! We went to the beach and tried to make the best of it! It was AMAY-ZING! Haven't seen her in person since then but we still talk NON stop and that gurl knows like everything about me! everything! and she is 13 years OLDER than me (sorry hun LOL) but she is a kid at heart! (an adult when she has to be, c'mon she has a son! hehe)
She understands me. answers her phone @ 4am if i NEED someone to talk to (no one else does that for me) I can call her crying and she knows just what to say. She can make me laugh like NO OTHER! We have 984783924712 trillion inside jokes, we can act absolutely dumb and still understand each other (that's normal for us lol). Only God only knows why he allowed us to meet when we did and i will never ever question that. No it has not ALWAYS been rainbows and gummydrops, we HAVE had our differences and our arguments BUT WHY dwell on that or even bring it up? It's in the past! Danielle is ONE my BEST friends, no doubt. For those of you who have BEST friends, you know how AMAY-ZING it feels to have one. No matter how you've met, how you communicate, it's all about the love in your heart for each other!
I was supposed to be with her in St. Louis right now celebrating her bday but things didn't work out according to plan =[ BUT i will be there sooner or later! hopefully sooner! I miss her SOOOO much! She don't even know and i surely hope this day is going fabulous for her! I wish her nothing but the best, best, BEST! I LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEE you!! With ALLL my heart! Stay strong! Remember, Jesus LOVES you too ;] Once again, HAPPY BIRFFDAY Danielle! <33
-Love Always, Ashleyy .
9/11/09
Love Song...
Just writing this right before i call it a day and get some sleep ! I had MAJOR writers block earlier, but i was able to finish what i promised my frand Nickerz I'd write ! We've been sharing songs lately and it's simply been an inspiration! So this is about nobody in particular, just came off the top of my head, but then it DID remind me of someone. No names tho =]
I REALLY hope you like it !! 2 ppl already do! Nickerz included! I didn't really think of a title tho =/
You told me in your sleep
“you’re the one I want for me”
But when you’re awake
I know there’s another that you see.
I wanted to be your one and only
Was that too much to ask?
You promised from the start
You’d make our relationship last.
You’ve made my heart too fragile
I don’t trust it in near you anymore
Cause when I did you simply
Left if for dead on the floor.
I wish you would tell me
What I fear the most to hear
Say it till it’s sunk in
Until I cry my last tear.
You first kissed me in the summer
At the park in the rain
Now our last kiss was in the fall
Still feel the tingle in my veins.
Baby I’ll still miss you
Even though you did me wrong
I couldn’t finish the words I had
Written for our love song…
*MUAH* i absolutely LOVE writing ! <3
Love always, Ashh !
I REALLY hope you like it !! 2 ppl already do! Nickerz included! I didn't really think of a title tho =/
You told me in your sleep
“you’re the one I want for me”
But when you’re awake
I know there’s another that you see.
I wanted to be your one and only
Was that too much to ask?
You promised from the start
You’d make our relationship last.
You’ve made my heart too fragile
I don’t trust it in near you anymore
Cause when I did you simply
Left if for dead on the floor.
I wish you would tell me
What I fear the most to hear
Say it till it’s sunk in
Until I cry my last tear.
You first kissed me in the summer
At the park in the rain
Now our last kiss was in the fall
Still feel the tingle in my veins.
Baby I’ll still miss you
Even though you did me wrong
I couldn’t finish the words I had
Written for our love song…
*MUAH* i absolutely LOVE writing ! <3
Love always, Ashh !
Words Spoken From My Heart...
So as most of y'all know, I'm a writer.. have been writing songs/poems for as long as i could remember.. I'm not in the mood to write much cause I'm incredibly sad right now, but I'll just post some things Ive written. 100% original. All by me. From my heart... some Ive written in like 10 mins, others in a day or two. it all depends on my mood and inspiration for it. Ill tell you a lil bit bout each one as i go =]
PS. I start crying and all of a sudden it starts pouring outside... what are the chances!
So here are a few.. just for now...
“A.B.O.R.T.I.O.N”
You can’t make a mistake
And make others pay the price,
That’s why when you’re out having fun
Make sure you think things twice.
How would you be able to let someone
Go and cut your baby apart?
Do you think that someone like that
Has a loving and caring heart?
Didn’t think so.
So why are you on that hospital bed?
You know there’s a million thoughts
Running through your head.
Should you proceed or should you stop?
Do you think what you are doing is right?
If you go through with it
Tell me how will you be able to sleep at night?
Mistakes happen
Some actions come with consequences
You should have known by now
Because if you can acknowledge what you did
Then there is no need to ask me how.
Killing a child losing a soul
That God put inside of you
Makes one less in this world
That could have started something new.
A life with a purpose
Thrown into the depths of the ocean
All because you decided to give up
And have an abortion.
-wrote this for my creative writing class bout 2 years ago.. like outta no where.. but it's a subject i am strongly against so it inspired me to write about it =]
“Dear Mr. President”
Dear Mr. President
How are you today?
Are you aware that in your hands
People are dying everyday.
Dear Mr. President
How’s your family?
Why are they not out there fighting
With the U.S. Army?
Dear Mr. President
Did you enjoy your meal?
People are starving
Guess you don’t know how that feels.
Dear Mr. President
What is on your mind
When you wake up?
I bet that homeless guy is thinking
Please don’t steal my cup.
Dear Mr. President
What was your strategy?
To brain wash Americans into
Thinking they soon will be free?
Dear Mr. President
Oh how I’m glad
you’ll soon be gone
Someone will take your place
Thank God what took so long?
Dear Mr. President
Unlike me I hope
You have a very good day
I think I’ve spoke my mind
And said all I wanted to say.
- i've never really liked Former President Bush.. i don't know why. I found him as kinda a joke? idk. everyone is entitled to their opinion...
"MLK"
Back in the day
The world was duplicated,
a school for white, a school for blacks
It made life so complicated.
No two colors were allowed to mix
The world was divided by two races,
Segregation and prejudice
Against the same familiar faces.
Then a wise man came
And told the world his dream,
Of how he knew everything would change
Some agreed, others didn’t believe.
After his long and meaningful speech
This man was shot to death,
What he didn’t know was that the world was going to change
After his very last breath.
Since that day
The world hasn’t been the same,
Blacks and whites are now together
And are all recognized under one name.
Americans, Americans
Is what we all are,
And little did we know
That his big dream would come this far.
Now today we recognize his achievement
And he remains in our heats,
Cuz Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. brought together
What was once forced apart.
- I wrote this when i was like 15? in english class.. for a contest that i never got the chance to enter...
“I Still Believe”
When it was dark
And I couldn’t find the light of day,
You would always shine your
Brightest light my way.
Late at night when I’d cry
I somehow knew you were by my side,
And when I felt your presence in the room
I knew everything would be alright.
It may have been hard for me to see
All the blessings that you have given me
When I was lost and hidden in the dark
I found your light and you found my heart
After all of this I know
I still believe.
- written at around 14 yrs old? i think.. i was going through A LOT and this kinda eased my heart and soul a bit =]
OKAY, that's enough for now =] I have SOOOO much more but in the meanie time, i'm gonna go and think about life ... *sigh* Hope you enjoyed them !!!
P.S- I MISS MY Y5 GIRLS!! <3
<3 always, Ashh
PS. I start crying and all of a sudden it starts pouring outside... what are the chances!
So here are a few.. just for now...
“A.B.O.R.T.I.O.N”
You can’t make a mistake
And make others pay the price,
That’s why when you’re out having fun
Make sure you think things twice.
How would you be able to let someone
Go and cut your baby apart?
Do you think that someone like that
Has a loving and caring heart?
Didn’t think so.
So why are you on that hospital bed?
You know there’s a million thoughts
Running through your head.
Should you proceed or should you stop?
Do you think what you are doing is right?
If you go through with it
Tell me how will you be able to sleep at night?
Mistakes happen
Some actions come with consequences
You should have known by now
Because if you can acknowledge what you did
Then there is no need to ask me how.
Killing a child losing a soul
That God put inside of you
Makes one less in this world
That could have started something new.
A life with a purpose
Thrown into the depths of the ocean
All because you decided to give up
And have an abortion.
-wrote this for my creative writing class bout 2 years ago.. like outta no where.. but it's a subject i am strongly against so it inspired me to write about it =]
“Dear Mr. President”
Dear Mr. President
How are you today?
Are you aware that in your hands
People are dying everyday.
Dear Mr. President
How’s your family?
Why are they not out there fighting
With the U.S. Army?
Dear Mr. President
Did you enjoy your meal?
People are starving
Guess you don’t know how that feels.
Dear Mr. President
What is on your mind
When you wake up?
I bet that homeless guy is thinking
Please don’t steal my cup.
Dear Mr. President
What was your strategy?
To brain wash Americans into
Thinking they soon will be free?
Dear Mr. President
Oh how I’m glad
you’ll soon be gone
Someone will take your place
Thank God what took so long?
Dear Mr. President
Unlike me I hope
You have a very good day
I think I’ve spoke my mind
And said all I wanted to say.
- i've never really liked Former President Bush.. i don't know why. I found him as kinda a joke? idk. everyone is entitled to their opinion...
"MLK"
Back in the day
The world was duplicated,
a school for white, a school for blacks
It made life so complicated.
No two colors were allowed to mix
The world was divided by two races,
Segregation and prejudice
Against the same familiar faces.
Then a wise man came
And told the world his dream,
Of how he knew everything would change
Some agreed, others didn’t believe.
After his long and meaningful speech
This man was shot to death,
What he didn’t know was that the world was going to change
After his very last breath.
Since that day
The world hasn’t been the same,
Blacks and whites are now together
And are all recognized under one name.
Americans, Americans
Is what we all are,
And little did we know
That his big dream would come this far.
Now today we recognize his achievement
And he remains in our heats,
Cuz Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. brought together
What was once forced apart.
- I wrote this when i was like 15? in english class.. for a contest that i never got the chance to enter...
“I Still Believe”
When it was dark
And I couldn’t find the light of day,
You would always shine your
Brightest light my way.
Late at night when I’d cry
I somehow knew you were by my side,
And when I felt your presence in the room
I knew everything would be alright.
It may have been hard for me to see
All the blessings that you have given me
When I was lost and hidden in the dark
I found your light and you found my heart
After all of this I know
I still believe.
- written at around 14 yrs old? i think.. i was going through A LOT and this kinda eased my heart and soul a bit =]
OKAY, that's enough for now =] I have SOOOO much more but in the meanie time, i'm gonna go and think about life ... *sigh* Hope you enjoyed them !!!
P.S- I MISS MY Y5 GIRLS!! <3
<3 always, Ashh
9/9/09
A Day In The Life Of A Zombie =P
"There is something you don't know about me. And that something you will never know. If it's something no one has discovered, then it's something i shall never show." -ME
Hi guys! Sorry, but i had to write that. It came out outta nowhere just now when i started typing this. Not exactly sure what it means quite yet.. but save that for another day.
VENTING!
Today was an incredible long day! I went to sleep at around 630AM and woke up @ almost 9AM to be at work by 930AM =| NOT a smart move. Yep it's official. Last 4 days, i have only slept about 15 hours or so. In TOTAL! Why? Don't ask. Just know it was worth it! Got to work a tad bit late.. THEN i had absolutely NO energy left in my body. None! With all the morning paperwork i have to do and crunching numbers and counting registers .. ugh, days like these where being an Assistant Manager sucks BIG fat baby carrots!! So once i was done with all that mess, i LITERALLY grabbed a chair and sat behind the counter and dozed off until i heard that "dingdong" sound when someone walks into the store and i was like =| and got up to see who it was, sat back down. THANK GOD there are NO cameras in our store. I spent most of the time IMing Cory thru my phone and tweeting and stuff to keep me from falling asleep. YUS! it was THAT bad. Mind you, we sell candy at our clothes store. ---> -_- <--- yeah i know... so yeah we sell candy and its SUPER expensive.. there was this lady who wanted to buy a ringpop for her son.. JUST that. I was WAYY too comfy on my chair. So i go "umm, that candy is VERY expensive!" lady goes "how much?" i go "fie dollahs" ($5) and she was like :| , put it down and walked away! In reality, the ringpop she wanted costs $2.69 @ out store. STILL hella expensive.. but there was NO way in hell i was getting up just for that! ha! I called one of my co-workers pick up some KFC for me before she came in... well, she came in, with NO food -___- so she left again and got me the WRONG thing. So yeah, whatever i ended up stuffing my face .. while IMing Miles i think ... telling her my ringpop story bahaha! Had to take out the new shipment of clothes we got. ALL sweaters! Seriously. WHOOOO wears sweaters... in MIAMI! Where it's like 80 degrees on a Christmas morning. I have to admit tho, they ARE cute, but get real >.>
Apparently i was annoying my co-worker cause i lowered the store music and started playing the songs on my BB.. i was singing along to Ferras, Jay Z, Miley, Demi, Mariah, etc ... SOO loud! But i was deeeleeeriiiooussss !!! and in no motivation to work! SOOOOO yeah i was there till like 6ish even tho i was supposed to leave @ 530PM.. i actually clocked out and sat in the back! i wasn't even in the mood to DRIVE! lol... whatever i left! went to Best Buy, then to Wallymart =P THEN homeee at like 8pm? DD: and here i'm isss !
Gahh that was my day ! I'll be back laters to tweet more cause i KNOW i have wayyy to much to say ! =] LOVEE YA'll ! SOWWY if i bored ya'll to death LOL!
<33 Ashh
Hi guys! Sorry, but i had to write that. It came out outta nowhere just now when i started typing this. Not exactly sure what it means quite yet.. but save that for another day.
VENTING!
Today was an incredible long day! I went to sleep at around 630AM and woke up @ almost 9AM to be at work by 930AM =| NOT a smart move. Yep it's official. Last 4 days, i have only slept about 15 hours or so. In TOTAL! Why? Don't ask. Just know it was worth it! Got to work a tad bit late.. THEN i had absolutely NO energy left in my body. None! With all the morning paperwork i have to do and crunching numbers and counting registers .. ugh, days like these where being an Assistant Manager sucks BIG fat baby carrots!! So once i was done with all that mess, i LITERALLY grabbed a chair and sat behind the counter and dozed off until i heard that "dingdong" sound when someone walks into the store and i was like =| and got up to see who it was, sat back down. THANK GOD there are NO cameras in our store. I spent most of the time IMing Cory thru my phone and tweeting and stuff to keep me from falling asleep. YUS! it was THAT bad. Mind you, we sell candy at our clothes store. ---> -_- <--- yeah i know... so yeah we sell candy and its SUPER expensive.. there was this lady who wanted to buy a ringpop for her son.. JUST that. I was WAYY too comfy on my chair. So i go "umm, that candy is VERY expensive!" lady goes "how much?" i go "fie dollahs" ($5) and she was like :| , put it down and walked away! In reality, the ringpop she wanted costs $2.69 @ out store. STILL hella expensive.. but there was NO way in hell i was getting up just for that! ha! I called one of my co-workers pick up some KFC for me before she came in... well, she came in, with NO food -___- so she left again and got me the WRONG thing. So yeah, whatever i ended up stuffing my face .. while IMing Miles i think ... telling her my ringpop story bahaha! Had to take out the new shipment of clothes we got. ALL sweaters! Seriously. WHOOOO wears sweaters... in MIAMI! Where it's like 80 degrees on a Christmas morning. I have to admit tho, they ARE cute, but get real >.>
Apparently i was annoying my co-worker cause i lowered the store music and started playing the songs on my BB.. i was singing along to Ferras, Jay Z, Miley, Demi, Mariah, etc ... SOO loud! But i was deeeleeeriiiooussss !!! and in no motivation to work! SOOOOO yeah i was there till like 6ish even tho i was supposed to leave @ 530PM.. i actually clocked out and sat in the back! i wasn't even in the mood to DRIVE! lol... whatever i left! went to Best Buy, then to Wallymart =P THEN homeee at like 8pm? DD: and here i'm isss !
Gahh that was my day ! I'll be back laters to tweet more cause i KNOW i have wayyy to much to say ! =] LOVEE YA'll ! SOWWY if i bored ya'll to death LOL!
<33 Ashh
Exhausted
Ok so I'm blogging from mi phone, while at work. Omg! I have never felt so weak or exhausted in my life! In the past 4 days I've slept a total of like 14 hours! Yes, 14 !!! In 4 days!! I've been up either A. Working or B. Online ... For the past I should say almost week now I've been online chatting with my girls Cory, Lanie, Miley and sometimes Paige... NON STOP, ALL NIGHT!!! And I LOVEE talking to those girls ! I really do I enjoy every minute of it! And I can't shut off the computer!
I've always been an insomniac or nocturnal as you'd call it but damn never went soooo long with such little sleep and its really getting to me. I'm like drained to the max. I would soo fall asleep in the store now. We have no cameras (hence why I'm sitting in a chair writing this!). And nobody entiring the store means no action or movement whcI need to dedicate an ENTIRE day of sleeping !!! Maybe Friday :)
Ughh u just don't know how amay-zing these girls are! Like I've known Miley for a few months (personally), Lanie for a few weeks and Cory for about a week give or take and OMG I feel like I've known them foirever!! No joke! I can talk to them about anything, non stop (hence the alll nighters) lol!! And I appreciate them soo much ! We are Y5 aka CLAMP ! For those of u that don't know, CLAMP = Cory Lanie Ashley Miley Paige and Y5 is all our 5 Y's changing 2 to Paigeyy and Lawnyy hehe ! The best!! <33 But that's our thing!
I also run theheartofmiley on twitter! For those of ya'll that didn't know !!! So check up on that one !! And of course, if I personally know you, add my personal one... @ashley_831 hehe.
Gahh I just rambled! But it was good! I'm waiting for my co_worker to bring me BK!! Whoo haven't had fast food in MONTHS!! I was tryna eat healthy but umm =| I'm human lol. So anyhow, thanks guys for reading ! Ya'll rock!! :)
<33 ashh
9/7/09
Whoop De Do Da!
WOW has it been a minute since i've last posted on here ! Too, too much has happened within the last few months to even begin blogging about. First and foremost i wanna thank GOD for giving me yet another day of life. Above all, life is good! Doo da doo! Second, i have alot to say, just dont feel like typing too much right now cause i HAVE been up ALLLLL night =]
First, since the last time i blogged, i had NO job -__- and now, i do! thank you GOD! Since mid June (the 15th to be exact, haha how IRONIC... read previous blogs to know what im talking about) i started working as a part-time assistant manager at a store called Styles For Less. NO i did not know wtf that company was until i got interviewed for it. Got the job by a miracle of GOD as well. Just a random email for a position i didn't even think i qualified for. Only God knows.. So its been almost 3 months since ive been working there. I love it, most days. Love the ppl there, etc.
Also since the last time i blogged i had no BF! lol. Well Derek and i have been dating since June as well... going on 3 months in 2 days! whoop! Or AM i that excited? -__- he is great! has been thru SOO much with me the past few months its amazing what he puts up with <3 I got a new BLACKBERRY! WOOT! Its the Blackberry 8520 that was recently released. Its in a "frost" color aka bby blue! NO rolly bally thingy! its a trackpad. SOO much better! so thin, so perfect! Except for me throwing it in syrup a few moments ago -___- BUT yeah, T-Mobile Babyy! If u have BBM or Tmobile, let me give you my digits. and NOW i see why they call it CRACKberry. I am SOO addicted! =]
Third.. STILL haven't started college.. GAHHH when will i ever?! I want to. I REALLY do.. its just circumstances... ughh ! Still loving my besties Danielle && Brittney whom i miss SOOOO much ! Met some AMAY-ZING ppl through twitter/myspace recently! Cory & Lanie ! 2 girls that are sooo unique and soooo lovable and so inspiring. Gahh! They rock! Then there is this chick named Miley.. NOOO not MILEY CYRUS dude! Like, when will i ever get the chance to talk to someone like her! That'll be the day! Bahahaha! *wink wink* ANYWHO, i loooove my Ray of sunshine! She is amazing on soo many levels, so real, so down to earth, so.. my kinda person and they type of friend i need in my life! Along wiff Cory & Lanie && Pageyy .. all 5 of us are Y5 aka CLAMP! hahaha ! Couldn't of found a better name! I love my girls soooo much!
Other than the overly annoying and overly exaggerated vocal yells my mother gives at home on a daily basis... and the being broke all the time... life is GOOD! for now.. troubles are gonna come our way, but as long as we're prepared, it'll be okay.. HEY that rhymed! I hope God knows how much i APPRECIATE him and LOVE him and am SOO THANKFUL for everything he has given me even though i dont express it as much as i should!
So thanks SO much for reading, thanks for caring! I love you ALLL! <33
-Ashh
First, since the last time i blogged, i had NO job -__- and now, i do! thank you GOD! Since mid June (the 15th to be exact, haha how IRONIC... read previous blogs to know what im talking about) i started working as a part-time assistant manager at a store called Styles For Less. NO i did not know wtf that company was until i got interviewed for it. Got the job by a miracle of GOD as well. Just a random email for a position i didn't even think i qualified for. Only God knows.. So its been almost 3 months since ive been working there. I love it, most days. Love the ppl there, etc.
Also since the last time i blogged i had no BF! lol. Well Derek and i have been dating since June as well... going on 3 months in 2 days! whoop! Or AM i that excited? -__- he is great! has been thru SOO much with me the past few months its amazing what he puts up with <3 I got a new BLACKBERRY! WOOT! Its the Blackberry 8520 that was recently released. Its in a "frost" color aka bby blue! NO rolly bally thingy! its a trackpad. SOO much better! so thin, so perfect! Except for me throwing it in syrup a few moments ago -___- BUT yeah, T-Mobile Babyy! If u have BBM or Tmobile, let me give you my digits. and NOW i see why they call it CRACKberry. I am SOO addicted! =]
Third.. STILL haven't started college.. GAHHH when will i ever?! I want to. I REALLY do.. its just circumstances... ughh ! Still loving my besties Danielle && Brittney whom i miss SOOOO much ! Met some AMAY-ZING ppl through twitter/myspace recently! Cory & Lanie ! 2 girls that are sooo unique and soooo lovable and so inspiring. Gahh! They rock! Then there is this chick named Miley.. NOOO not MILEY CYRUS dude! Like, when will i ever get the chance to talk to someone like her! That'll be the day! Bahahaha! *wink wink* ANYWHO, i loooove my Ray of sunshine! She is amazing on soo many levels, so real, so down to earth, so.. my kinda person and they type of friend i need in my life! Along wiff Cory & Lanie && Pageyy .. all 5 of us are Y5 aka CLAMP! hahaha ! Couldn't of found a better name! I love my girls soooo much!
Other than the overly annoying and overly exaggerated vocal yells my mother gives at home on a daily basis... and the being broke all the time... life is GOOD! for now.. troubles are gonna come our way, but as long as we're prepared, it'll be okay.. HEY that rhymed! I hope God knows how much i APPRECIATE him and LOVE him and am SOO THANKFUL for everything he has given me even though i dont express it as much as i should!
So thanks SO much for reading, thanks for caring! I love you ALLL! <33
-Ashh
4/30/09
I Still Live With The Side Effects
So i'm finally home from that long drawn out trip of mine from Buffalo. Remember how i had to wait @ the JFK airport for so long? Well it paid off cause i got bumped up to first class! I was in seat 2A. It was great! You get so spoiled lol. This guy that worked there was nice enough to upgrade me outta nowhere! :)
So im back to this place called home. I really can't stand my mother. She is driving me to the point of insanity. So manipulative. All she is after is the money i DON'T have. WTF. Ugh i can't even blog about it cause it makes me mad. I'm pretty sure im gonna be in my room for the majority of the time. I have no intention of seeing anyone here. I miss my friends in Buffalo! I wish i was living up there. Everything was so
carefree. I need a plan. A plan for my life.
*sigh* So i was just about to cry and my mother knocks on the door to show me a singing snowman on a piano. wtf. That shit is not even cute! Why can't i ever be happy? Like seriously if i did something to deserve all this then let me know what it was so i can freaking repent! It's just not fair. Not fair for anyone and it sucks.
I need a job. I cannot be without a job. I can't be stuck in this house forever. Plus i got bills to pay. *sigh* there is not much else i can say or do. Just wait patiently.
<3 Ashh
So im back to this place called home. I really can't stand my mother. She is driving me to the point of insanity. So manipulative. All she is after is the money i DON'T have. WTF. Ugh i can't even blog about it cause it makes me mad. I'm pretty sure im gonna be in my room for the majority of the time. I have no intention of seeing anyone here. I miss my friends in Buffalo! I wish i was living up there. Everything was so
carefree. I need a plan. A plan for my life.
*sigh* So i was just about to cry and my mother knocks on the door to show me a singing snowman on a piano. wtf. That shit is not even cute! Why can't i ever be happy? Like seriously if i did something to deserve all this then let me know what it was so i can freaking repent! It's just not fair. Not fair for anyone and it sucks.
I need a job. I cannot be without a job. I can't be stuck in this house forever. Plus i got bills to pay. *sigh* there is not much else i can say or do. Just wait patiently.
<3 Ashh
4/29/09
A Series Of Unfortunate Events
As i write this i am sitting in a recharge station in New York City @ the JFK airport. If anything i should have been 35,000 feet in the air on my way to Miami now but noooooo. My first flight had to be delayed an hour because of maintenance issues which made me miss my connecting flight. At first i had hope that we were going to make it. Original departure time was 6am. We left at 7am. My connecting flight departed at 8:15am, we arrived at 8:20am... sooo i was re-booked onto a flight @ 1pm. That's FOUR, no wait, almost FIVE hours in a fricking airport full of weird people with this random Swine Flu that just appeared.
But anyhow, enough venting. I enjoyed my week in Buffalo. It was A LOT of fun. I saw people i hadn't seen in years and i'm so happy that i did. I think one of the best parts of my trip was yesterday when i went to my elementary/middle school to visit. I could not believe how that place has changed in the 5 years since i graduated from there. Some of the same teachers are still there. Most put a smile on my face. I got to spend part of the day with Lilliam and the other part with Janice. Two old friends of mine, now with children lol.
I'm kinda sad that i had to leave but at the same time im not. When i said bye to Brittney i hugged her like 12 times lol. I love that girl sooo much and imma miss her terribly even though i know we'll be in contact almost everyday. I had sooo much fun with her and had my first drunken experience with her lmaoo. "Memories". I can't wait till she comes down to Miami in the summer. I really hope that she does cause that would be a blast.
So as i wait for this next flight of mine i am just going to be here, killing precious time. I'm actually in no kind of hurry to get back to that Miami heat (not the team) lol. IDK exactly what i'll be doing once im there since i have no job but i will try to make good use of the time and go job hunting again. Oy.
Wish me a safe trip (even though i know it will be a safe one) and i'll blog for ya lataaaaa. ;) <3 Ashh
But anyhow, enough venting. I enjoyed my week in Buffalo. It was A LOT of fun. I saw people i hadn't seen in years and i'm so happy that i did. I think one of the best parts of my trip was yesterday when i went to my elementary/middle school to visit. I could not believe how that place has changed in the 5 years since i graduated from there. Some of the same teachers are still there. Most put a smile on my face. I got to spend part of the day with Lilliam and the other part with Janice. Two old friends of mine, now with children lol.
I'm kinda sad that i had to leave but at the same time im not. When i said bye to Brittney i hugged her like 12 times lol. I love that girl sooo much and imma miss her terribly even though i know we'll be in contact almost everyday. I had sooo much fun with her and had my first drunken experience with her lmaoo. "Memories". I can't wait till she comes down to Miami in the summer. I really hope that she does cause that would be a blast.
So as i wait for this next flight of mine i am just going to be here, killing precious time. I'm actually in no kind of hurry to get back to that Miami heat (not the team) lol. IDK exactly what i'll be doing once im there since i have no job but i will try to make good use of the time and go job hunting again. Oy.
Wish me a safe trip (even though i know it will be a safe one) and i'll blog for ya lataaaaa. ;) <3 Ashh
4/24/09
Party In The Club
Soo Britt and i went clubbing last night. It was fun, at first. We were dancing with random guys lol. Britt was "drunk" but she says she wasn't. The alcohol had no effect on me at all whatsoever lol. We went downtown to a place called "Pure". They played wack music. It sucked. We got there at like 1:30am. Left at around 3:30am. Went to Jim's Steakhouse & saw Joshua. Boy has he changed! OMG! Then got home @ around 4:30am, got into PJ's and we both knocked the fcuk out! Woke up at like 10ish cause Britt had to go to school so i went with her. Came back to her house, knocked out for like 2 hours lol.
I went to my old church and saw my friend Janice. She hasn't changed. Saw her parents and brother. Then i went where Britt was cause she went to meet with her friend Seth. SO anyhow, now we tryna get ready to go to the town ballroom in downtown for the "Blackout" party. Meagan is here. Jamie is picking us up! I miss her! Haven't seen her in years! OMG i love this im having a blast seeing everyone after sooo long! I hope we have fun tonight. This is exciting and i'm taking pictures of every moment so check my facebook ;)
There are soo many things i wanna do and soo many people i wanna see but soo little time. Sometimes i wish i lived down here still. All my peoples are here. & then some haters. But anyhow,m i needa start getting ready! What do i wear? IDK!
I'll keep ya posted! ;) Good night! <3
I went to my old church and saw my friend Janice. She hasn't changed. Saw her parents and brother. Then i went where Britt was cause she went to meet with her friend Seth. SO anyhow, now we tryna get ready to go to the town ballroom in downtown for the "Blackout" party. Meagan is here. Jamie is picking us up! I miss her! Haven't seen her in years! OMG i love this im having a blast seeing everyone after sooo long! I hope we have fun tonight. This is exciting and i'm taking pictures of every moment so check my facebook ;)
There are soo many things i wanna do and soo many people i wanna see but soo little time. Sometimes i wish i lived down here still. All my peoples are here. & then some haters. But anyhow,m i needa start getting ready! What do i wear? IDK!
I'll keep ya posted! ;) Good night! <3
4/22/09
For The Nostalgia
So i am finally in Buffalo. I had a great flight. No problems. A lil turbulence when landing in Buffalo. Actually, a lot of it. Got me dizzy for a bit. But above all it was good. Aside from sitting next to two old smelly guys on the second flight, and a fat snoring one on the first. OH! And it was freezing! I came in sandals. Big mistake lol. I was shivering. It was a blinding cold i had not felt in a loooong time.
When i got here the girl that was nice enough to give me a ride was waiting right at the gate for me. Baggage was delayed. Finally arrived @ Brittney's house. When i saw her i ran up to her and hugged her soooo tight! Like i lifted her up from the floor... twice. Yes there was screaming lol. A happy scream :)
It seems surreal that im actually here because honestly, it seems as if i never left and Ive been here forever. A lot of the places look a little bit different but Ive only seen a bit of the city. I still have to explore more of my once loved city. I can't wait to see people i had not seen in so long. I'm super excited. I just wish i had a car :(
Tomorrow should arrive my eye glasses that i am not too happy about but i was kinda rushed and stuff. So whatever. At least i have new ones and contacts :) Today has been a long day and i cant believe it's not even over yet! Whoa. I'm pumped. Tomorrow we are going Clubbing! YAY! Ok so anyhow, this is my vacation and i am going to enjoy it to the fullest. It has been well earned. I'll blog later this week!
"Forget About Yesterday, Don't Worry About Tomorrow, Just Live Your Life Today"
When i got here the girl that was nice enough to give me a ride was waiting right at the gate for me. Baggage was delayed. Finally arrived @ Brittney's house. When i saw her i ran up to her and hugged her soooo tight! Like i lifted her up from the floor... twice. Yes there was screaming lol. A happy scream :)
It seems surreal that im actually here because honestly, it seems as if i never left and Ive been here forever. A lot of the places look a little bit different but Ive only seen a bit of the city. I still have to explore more of my once loved city. I can't wait to see people i had not seen in so long. I'm super excited. I just wish i had a car :(
Tomorrow should arrive my eye glasses that i am not too happy about but i was kinda rushed and stuff. So whatever. At least i have new ones and contacts :) Today has been a long day and i cant believe it's not even over yet! Whoa. I'm pumped. Tomorrow we are going Clubbing! YAY! Ok so anyhow, this is my vacation and i am going to enjoy it to the fullest. It has been well earned. I'll blog later this week!
"Forget About Yesterday, Don't Worry About Tomorrow, Just Live Your Life Today"
4/21/09
Da Double Dee Double Di
Today has got to be the day where i have a zillion things to do & so i wake up, and here i am laying in bed writing this! This laziness and procrastination is so hard to shake off. It runs through my blood lol. In exactly 24 hours I'll be on a plane to Buffalo and i have not packed a single thing. Don't have clean clothes, haven't even found the suitcase. oy.
I still need to go to the eye doctor to put in my prescription. that should be taken care of today. I wanna do my hair cause it's nappy. Straight is always easier. WOW i'm watching the weather channel and they just said "Or you can Twitter us to give us your ideas..." LMAOO. Everyone has Twitter. How disconcerting. So anyhow, I told my mom we were leaving in 7 mins and she's getting ready... i'm still in bed O_o
I'm actually feeling good about myself today. I feel like today might be good day. I think i better go get ready. I'll blog a little bit laterrrr. ;)
I still need to go to the eye doctor to put in my prescription. that should be taken care of today. I wanna do my hair cause it's nappy. Straight is always easier. WOW i'm watching the weather channel and they just said "Or you can Twitter us to give us your ideas..." LMAOO. Everyone has Twitter. How disconcerting. So anyhow, I told my mom we were leaving in 7 mins and she's getting ready... i'm still in bed O_o
I'm actually feeling good about myself today. I feel like today might be good day. I think i better go get ready. I'll blog a little bit laterrrr. ;)
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