Ended With I Love You's ....

Right, so the other night, i had this like, well i don't know what you wanna call it, but it was like kinda of an argument, discussion, whatever, with my boss. And words were said, that were really hurtful. That night i was in tears. Couldn't even hold back. Cause you may or may not know, my boss and i, apart from our work relationship, we have a friendship. At work, she is my Manager and i am her Assistant Manager, and outside of work we are friends, tell each other everything, do whatever we can for each other, offer that shoulder to one another. I don't know if you've ever been in a position like that, but it is VERY hard to separate those relationships at work, around others but we still try. So that night i guess maybe i was outta line, but so was she, in more ways than one. I had to let out all that anger, sadness, confusion out that night, and thank God Miley was up and able to just listen to me vent. I literally typed for like 30 minutes straight, without her saying a word, and once i was done, she said what she had to say. And that means alot... to just sit there, for 30 minutes, reading and reading as i typed. But it felt SO good to have someone there and someone who understood! So thank you Miles, really, you are such a great listener and friend! I love you.

So, i was kinda indecisive of whether i should go the next day to the store and confront her or wait until Tuesday when we worked together again. But i decided to go. So the next morning i texted her and said "Jackie, i wanted to tell you that i am still very hurt from the conversation we had last night, but this needs to be discussed in PERSON so I'm passing by the store to talk this out like it should be done." and she replied saying "Ashley, before anything, im sorry about all of this and i know how you feel cause i feel the same way believe it or not, i love and care for you a lot and so if it makes you feel better, come and pass by but i'm not going to argue." .... and i left it at that. I went that afternoon and it was kinda awkward at first? But we left the store and took a walk and stopped and just started discussion everything. It wasn't that she simply didn't like what i had told her, she just didn't like the way i said it to her and stuff. And i tried to make it clear why i said it, and blah blah blah ... came back in the store, went to the back so she could take her break, and talked some more ... and one thing she did mention, that i was actually shocked about, was that she heard something, that wasn't even meant for her to hear. That day, i was upset, about numerous things, not just because of her, but of other things too, and my co worker had come up to me and was like " Ashley, forget about it. Let it go. Don't listen to her." and i completely reacted without thinking and said " you know what, Fuck Jackie! I'm going on break.." and i went on my lunch break. And apparently, Jackie heard me, but didn't say anything to me. And when i was in the back on break, she went back there twice, ready to say something to me, but she didn't. Cause she noticed i was crying ( about something else ) and she just left and slammed the door behind her.

That was incredibly immature of me, i admit that. I really had no right to say that. I said it without thinking and out of anger and it was not meant for her to hear, but i guess i said it too loud. She brought that up when we talked and i just didn't have words to tell her back. I was wrong there. But i also said to her "you said i wasn't a true friend, so please, tell me, what is the definition of a true friend for you?" and she just looked at me, and words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She was kinda just like " Ashley, that, that i didn't mean that. That was said out of anger, lets just drop it all. I don't wanna talk about this anymore." and i said " No! Tell me, apparently I'm not a true friend so please, tell me..." and she just kinda said the same thing, that she didn't mean it, that at that moment she was very disappointed and blah blah blah, then we got more into the conversation and tears were literally strolling down her face. Which was only shocking because, i thought i was gonna be the one to shed tears first, but i didn't. But at least i could tell she was hurt too by everything that happened. I apologized for everything and so did she. And we left it at that.

Before leaving the store, i said goodbye, we bear hugged and she said "I Love You..." and she got an "I Love You Too". This is very much a lesson learned. You learn there are limits, and a time and place where things should be said, and things that shouldn't be said at all. That hurt was necessary. You kinda realize what it's like to hurt and be hurt by those you truly care about. So what if she is my "Boss" in the daytime. She is also my friend, regardless of the age difference between us. So um yeah, hopefully things fall into place now. It was a good decision going in right then, then waiting days to pass and prolly making matters worse.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring.

<33 Ashley