Words Of Inspiration :)

If you know me, you know I looove to write. And anytime I'm inspired, I just write what's on my mind. I wrote this with a special friend in mind. Hope it touches others as well.... :)

It was promised there'd always be sun to light our way but who said it'd be sunny every single day? When the sun hides, the clouds get the best of us, we go crazy with just a tad bit of wind gust.

You have no control of when the rain falls, and its hard to hear the wind when it calls. Shelter your heart in the middle of a hurricane, even thought u might be afraid of going insane.

Though you may wanna settle for the valleys that are low, you need to take a risk cuz there's so much more left to know. Mountain tops, make that your goal, aim for the prize to soothe your soul.

Wish you may, wish you might, wish on a star to help you win this fight. One against all, but your in it to win, standing up for yourself isn't a sin.

At the end of every storm you will find your rainbow, you'll find pieces to the puzzle and finally be whole. Fallen angel, take a some time to walk the mile, by faith u should know you'll finally find your smile.

Comments. Opinions. Accepted.

XOXO - Ashley

When Inspiration Hits, It Hits.

I was going through my phone just now and I found these 2 little whatchamacallit poems/songs i had written a few weeks ago. They ain't all that great cause it doesn't even sound finished? but whatevs, here ya go! :)

[Take Me Back]

Your expectations used to be higher
and that's when i came along,
now that I'm gone you've settled for less
and stuck in a situation you don't belong.

you can't love her like you loved me
i can see it in your eyes,
your body language says it all
once i left love for you completely died.

Maybe i made a mistake in leaving
but i wanted to explore the world,
but I've come to realize that
you are the perfect match for this girl....
so please... leave her and take me back.

I know it's you calling me
at 3am every other day,
I answer then you hang up do you
need to hear my voice to make your night okay?

Your absence is the fire that
constantly burns my soul,
without your kiss for hydration
it burns right through and leaves a hole.

But maybe i made a mistake in leaving
but i wanted to explore the world,
but I've come to realize that
you are the perfect match for this girl....
so please... leave her and take me back.

*********************************************

[It's Pain]

It's hard to remember a time,
back when you were only mine.
Cause it's so far into the past,
time didn't let the memories last.

Although the skies are blue they seem Grey,
just like the day we went our separate ways.
The sun don't shine the same,
the rain falls and thunder screams my name.

I can't get away from the rain though,
when will i be able to see my rainbow?
Misery don't even want my company,
there's no definition to describe this pain in me.


A lil depressing? Ha. It has nothing to do with me though. Actually, nothing to do wiff anybody really. I just wrote them to write it :D

<33 Ashley

Words Of The Mind

I wrote this back in April. On my phone, while at work. I was feeling too may emotions at once. I had to let it out all then and there. And to be honest, i had never written like this before. The whole "non-rhyming" just letting it all flow as it goes type thing. And it has turned out to be one of my best to date! So please, give honest feedback, and let me know if you relate! I love to hear those stories!



"its hard to speak, when no one is willing to listen. your voice is left unheard and your mind is left full of thought. bottled up inside, with the urgent need for a bit of acknowledgment. is it hard to understand the innocent thoughts that a mind so young still seeks answers to? the flesh ages but the soul still lingers in those years where complex thoughts never streamed the mind and overpowered every emotion ever possible to exist?

is it possible that one is so oddly unique that others may find it hard to even stand their existence? to be able to feel ones emotions times those you are already feeling, to give you an overwhelming sense of supernatural ability. the thought of non-existing becomes more complex, knowing you only rid your body, not soul.

your passion becomes your fear, as others pull you down from the place you’ve set your heart in. how can one put more faith in those who have no faith in them, yet the faith in themselves has diminished? is it hard to fathom that one can play a part in any role that is not their own and fool any being into believing its original. The art of life smears onto the pages of a book still unwritten. The heart that beats as time goes on, becomes obsolete allowing mind to take over. Trust it, trust the heart and let it guide you to your destiny."

YAY! Ok ttyl. Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.

<3 Ash

My Angel On Earth <3

OMG OMG OMG! Sooooo, TODAY is one of my BESTEST friends birthday! She is ... uhhmm ... eternally 12 today but somehow born in 1977 LOL ! SO, anywho, first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIELLE !!! I love you SOOO SOOO much and i know i haven't shown it lately and we've kinda been not talking as much the past 2 weeks but i will forever love you no matter what! This day reminds me of when i sent you that package for your birthday THREE years ago =O seems like it was yesturday!

I just found the poem i wrote for her 3 years ago as well (gahh i was 16yrs old LOL) for her birthday and it goes:

On a late September morn,
A precious little child was born.
Brought love and joy into this world,
So much love for that little girl.
She flourished into who she’ll become,
The Lord made her a special one.
The pain and hard times she made it through,
Trusted in God when she didn’t know what to do.
Smiling through a million tears,
Learned to get rid of all her fears.
One sweet day she was filled with joy,
When the Lord gave her a precious baby boy.
She found peace in the words of a soul,
Which comforted her and made her whole.
In my heart specials ones a very few,
My love for her will always be true.
Till this day she is still so blessed
To have family and friends who wish her the best.
Enjoy this day of happiness and fun,
Happy Birthday my Angel there’s many more to come.

OMG that made me tear up! I've know this girl for only a little bit over 3 years now but it seems like FOREVER! She has been through EVERYTHING with me, and believe it or not, we've only met in person ONCE! Let me tell you out story:

We met each other through Myspace.com due to the fact that we both loved (and still very much do) Mariah Carey. We talked online for a bit, then thru phone until we were talking for HOURS on end... YES we even talked for 10 hours straight one night. The first time we met in PERSON was in June of 08. Through everything she had going on, she made the sweet sacrifice to fly out here from Missouri just to come to my high school graduation. A special day indeed. We spent that whole week together! We went to the beach and tried to make the best of it! It was AMAY-ZING! Haven't seen her in person since then but we still talk NON stop and that gurl knows like everything about me! everything! and she is 13 years OLDER than me (sorry hun LOL) but she is a kid at heart! (an adult when she has to be, c'mon she has a son! hehe)

She understands me. answers her phone @ 4am if i NEED someone to talk to (no one else does that for me) I can call her crying and she knows just what to say. She can make me laugh like NO OTHER! We have 984783924712 trillion inside jokes, we can act absolutely dumb and still understand each other (that's normal for us lol). Only God only knows why he allowed us to meet when we did and i will never ever question that. No it has not ALWAYS been rainbows and gummydrops, we HAVE had our differences and our arguments BUT WHY dwell on that or even bring it up? It's in the past! Danielle is ONE my BEST friends, no doubt. For those of you who have BEST friends, you know how AMAY-ZING it feels to have one. No matter how you've met, how you communicate, it's all about the love in your heart for each other!

I was supposed to be with her in St. Louis right now celebrating her bday but things didn't work out according to plan =[ BUT i will be there sooner or later! hopefully sooner! I miss her SOOOO much! She don't even know and i surely hope this day is going fabulous for her! I wish her nothing but the best, best, BEST! I LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEE you!! With ALLL my heart! Stay strong! Remember, Jesus LOVES you too ;] Once again, HAPPY BIRFFDAY Danielle! <33

-Love Always, Ashleyy .

Love Song...

Just writing this right before i call it a day and get some sleep ! I had MAJOR writers block earlier, but i was able to finish what i promised my frand Nickerz I'd write ! We've been sharing songs lately and it's simply been an inspiration! So this is about nobody in particular, just came off the top of my head, but then it DID remind me of someone. No names tho =]

I REALLY hope you like it !! 2 ppl already do! Nickerz included! I didn't really think of a title tho =/

You told me in your sleep
“you’re the one I want for me”
But when you’re awake
I know there’s another that you see.

I wanted to be your one and only
Was that too much to ask?
You promised from the start
You’d make our relationship last.

You’ve made my heart too fragile
I don’t trust it in near you anymore
Cause when I did you simply
Left if for dead on the floor.

I wish you would tell me
What I fear the most to hear
Say it till it’s sunk in
Until I cry my last tear.

You first kissed me in the summer
At the park in the rain
Now our last kiss was in the fall
Still feel the tingle in my veins.

Baby I’ll still miss you
Even though you did me wrong
I couldn’t finish the words I had
Written for our love song…

*MUAH* i absolutely LOVE writing ! <3

Love always, Ashh !

Words Spoken From My Heart...

So as most of y'all know, I'm a writer.. have been writing songs/poems for as long as i could remember.. I'm not in the mood to write much cause I'm incredibly sad right now, but I'll just post some things Ive written. 100% original. All by me. From my heart... some Ive written in like 10 mins, others in a day or two. it all depends on my mood and inspiration for it. Ill tell you a lil bit bout each one as i go =]

PS. I start crying and all of a sudden it starts pouring outside... what are the chances!

So here are a few.. just for now...

“A.B.O.R.T.I.O.N”

You can’t make a mistake
And make others pay the price,
That’s why when you’re out having fun
Make sure you think things twice.
How would you be able to let someone
Go and cut your baby apart?
Do you think that someone like that
Has a loving and caring heart?
Didn’t think so.
So why are you on that hospital bed?
You know there’s a million thoughts
Running through your head.
Should you proceed or should you stop?
Do you think what you are doing is right?
If you go through with it
Tell me how will you be able to sleep at night?
Mistakes happen
Some actions come with consequences
You should have known by now
Because if you can acknowledge what you did
Then there is no need to ask me how.
Killing a child losing a soul
That God put inside of you
Makes one less in this world
That could have started something new.
A life with a purpose
Thrown into the depths of the ocean
All because you decided to give up
And have an abortion.

-wrote this for my creative writing class bout 2 years ago.. like outta no where.. but it's a subject i am strongly against so it inspired me to write about it =]

“Dear Mr. President”

Dear Mr. President
How are you today?
Are you aware that in your hands
People are dying everyday.
Dear Mr. President
How’s your family?
Why are they not out there fighting
With the U.S. Army?
Dear Mr. President
Did you enjoy your meal?
People are starving
Guess you don’t know how that feels.
Dear Mr. President
What is on your mind
When you wake up?
I bet that homeless guy is thinking
Please don’t steal my cup.
Dear Mr. President
What was your strategy?
To brain wash Americans into
Thinking they soon will be free?
Dear Mr. President
Oh how I’m glad
you’ll soon be gone
Someone will take your place
Thank God what took so long?
Dear Mr. President
Unlike me I hope
You have a very good day
I think I’ve spoke my mind
And said all I wanted to say.

- i've never really liked Former President Bush.. i don't know why. I found him as kinda a joke? idk. everyone is entitled to their opinion...

"MLK"

Back in the day
The world was duplicated,
a school for white, a school for blacks
It made life so complicated.
No two colors were allowed to mix
The world was divided by two races,
Segregation and prejudice
Against the same familiar faces.
Then a wise man came
And told the world his dream,
Of how he knew everything would change
Some agreed, others didn’t believe.
After his long and meaningful speech
This man was shot to death,
What he didn’t know was that the world was going to change
After his very last breath.
Since that day
The world hasn’t been the same,
Blacks and whites are now together
And are all recognized under one name.
Americans, Americans
Is what we all are,
And little did we know
That his big dream would come this far.
Now today we recognize his achievement
And he remains in our heats,
Cuz Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. brought together
What was once forced apart.

- I wrote this when i was like 15? in english class.. for a contest that i never got the chance to enter...

“I Still Believe”

When it was dark
And I couldn’t find the light of day,
You would always shine your
Brightest light my way.
Late at night when I’d cry
I somehow knew you were by my side,
And when I felt your presence in the room
I knew everything would be alright.
It may have been hard for me to see
All the blessings that you have given me
When I was lost and hidden in the dark
I found your light and you found my heart
After all of this I know
I still believe.

- written at around 14 yrs old? i think.. i was going through A LOT and this kinda eased my heart and soul a bit =]

OKAY, that's enough for now =] I have SOOOO much more but in the meanie time, i'm gonna go and think about life ... *sigh* Hope you enjoyed them !!!

P.S- I MISS MY Y5 GIRLS!! <3

<3 always, Ashh

A Day In The Life Of A Zombie =P

"There is something you don't know about me. And that something you will never know. If it's something no one has discovered, then it's something i shall never show." -ME

Hi guys! Sorry, but i had to write that. It came out outta nowhere just now when i started typing this. Not exactly sure what it means quite yet.. but save that for another day.

VENTING!

Today was an incredible long day! I went to sleep at around 630AM and woke up @ almost 9AM to be at work by 930AM =| NOT a smart move. Yep it's official. Last 4 days, i have only slept about 15 hours or so. In TOTAL! Why? Don't ask. Just know it was worth it! Got to work a tad bit late.. THEN i had absolutely NO energy left in my body. None! With all the morning paperwork i have to do and crunching numbers and counting registers .. ugh, days like these where being an Assistant Manager sucks BIG fat baby carrots!! So once i was done with all that mess, i LITERALLY grabbed a chair and sat behind the counter and dozed off until i heard that "dingdong" sound when someone walks into the store and i was like =| and got up to see who it was, sat back down. THANK GOD there are NO cameras in our store. I spent most of the time IMing Cory thru my phone and tweeting and stuff to keep me from falling asleep. YUS! it was THAT bad. Mind you, we sell candy at our clothes store. ---> -_- <--- yeah i know... so yeah we sell candy and its SUPER expensive.. there was this lady who wanted to buy a ringpop for her son.. JUST that. I was WAYY too comfy on my chair. So i go "umm, that candy is VERY expensive!" lady goes "how much?" i go "fie dollahs" ($5) and she was like :| , put it down and walked away! In reality, the ringpop she wanted costs $2.69 @ out store. STILL hella expensive.. but there was NO way in hell i was getting up just for that! ha! I called one of my co-workers pick up some KFC for me before she came in... well, she came in, with NO food -___- so she left again and got me the WRONG thing. So yeah, whatever i ended up stuffing my face .. while IMing Miles i think ... telling her my ringpop story bahaha! Had to take out the new shipment of clothes we got. ALL sweaters! Seriously. WHOOOO wears sweaters... in MIAMI! Where it's like 80 degrees on a Christmas morning. I have to admit tho, they ARE cute, but get real >.>

Apparently i was annoying my co-worker cause i lowered the store music and started playing the songs on my BB.. i was singing along to Ferras, Jay Z, Miley, Demi, Mariah, etc ... SOO loud! But i was deeeleeeriiiooussss !!! and in no motivation to work! SOOOOO yeah i was there till like 6ish even tho i was supposed to leave @ 530PM.. i actually clocked out and sat in the back! i wasn't even in the mood to DRIVE! lol... whatever i left! went to Best Buy, then to Wallymart =P THEN homeee at like 8pm? DD: and here i'm isss !

Gahh that was my day ! I'll be back laters to tweet more cause i KNOW i have wayyy to much to say ! =] LOVEE YA'll ! SOWWY if i bored ya'll to death LOL!

<33 Ashh

Exhausted

Ok so I'm blogging from mi phone, while at work. Omg! I have never felt so weak or exhausted in my life! In the past 4 days I've slept a total of like 14 hours! Yes, 14 !!! In 4 days!! I've been up either A. Working or B. Online ... For the past I should say almost week now I've been online chatting with my girls Cory, Lanie, Miley and sometimes Paige... NON STOP, ALL NIGHT!!! And I LOVEE talking to those girls ! I really do I enjoy every minute of it! And I can't shut off the computer!

I've always been an insomniac or nocturnal as you'd call it but damn never went soooo long with such little sleep and its really getting to me. I'm like drained to the max. I would soo fall asleep in the store now. We have no cameras (hence why I'm sitting in a chair writing this!). And nobody entiring the store means no action or movement whcI need to dedicate an ENTIRE day of sleeping !!! Maybe Friday :)

Ughh u just don't know how amay-zing these girls are! Like I've known Miley for a few months (personally), Lanie for a few weeks and Cory for about a week give or take and OMG I feel like I've known them foirever!! No joke! I can talk to them about anything, non stop (hence the alll nighters) lol!! And I appreciate them soo much ! We are Y5 aka CLAMP ! For those of u that don't know, CLAMP = Cory Lanie Ashley Miley Paige and Y5 is all our 5 Y's changing 2 to Paigeyy and Lawnyy hehe ! The best!! <33 But that's our thing!

I also run theheartofmiley on twitter! For those of ya'll that didn't know !!! So check up on that one !! And of course, if I personally know you, add my personal one... @ashley_831 hehe.

Gahh I just rambled! But it was good! I'm waiting for my co_worker to bring me BK!! Whoo haven't had fast food in MONTHS!! I was tryna eat healthy but umm =| I'm human lol. So anyhow, thanks guys for reading ! Ya'll rock!! :)

<33 ashh

Whoop De Do Da!

WOW has it been a minute since i've last posted on here ! Too, too much has happened within the last few months to even begin blogging about. First and foremost i wanna thank GOD for giving me yet another day of life. Above all, life is good! Doo da doo! Second, i have alot to say, just dont feel like typing too much right now cause i HAVE been up ALLLLL night =]

First, since the last time i blogged, i had NO job -__- and now, i do! thank you GOD! Since mid June (the 15th to be exact, haha how IRONIC... read previous blogs to know what im talking about) i started working as a part-time assistant manager at a store called Styles For Less. NO i did not know wtf that company was until i got interviewed for it. Got the job by a miracle of GOD as well. Just a random email for a position i didn't even think i qualified for. Only God knows.. So its been almost 3 months since ive been working there. I love it, most days. Love the ppl there, etc.

Also since the last time i blogged i had no BF! lol. Well Derek and i have been dating since June as well... going on 3 months in 2 days! whoop! Or AM i that excited? -__- he is great! has been thru SOO much with me the past few months its amazing what he puts up with <3 I got a new BLACKBERRY! WOOT! Its the Blackberry 8520 that was recently released. Its in a "frost" color aka bby blue! NO rolly bally thingy! its a trackpad. SOO much better! so thin, so perfect! Except for me throwing it in syrup a few moments ago -___- BUT yeah, T-Mobile Babyy! If u have BBM or Tmobile, let me give you my digits. and NOW i see why they call it CRACKberry. I am SOO addicted! =]

Third.. STILL haven't started college.. GAHHH when will i ever?! I want to. I REALLY do.. its just circumstances... ughh ! Still loving my besties Danielle && Brittney whom i miss SOOOO much ! Met some AMAY-ZING ppl through twitter/myspace recently! Cory & Lanie ! 2 girls that are sooo unique and soooo lovable and so inspiring. Gahh! They rock! Then there is this chick named Miley.. NOOO not MILEY CYRUS dude! Like, when will i ever get the chance to talk to someone like her! That'll be the day! Bahahaha! *wink wink* ANYWHO, i loooove my Ray of sunshine! She is amazing on soo many levels, so real, so down to earth, so.. my kinda person and they type of friend i need in my life! Along wiff Cory & Lanie && Pageyy .. all 5 of us are Y5 aka CLAMP! hahaha ! Couldn't of found a better name! I love my girls soooo much!

Other than the overly annoying and overly exaggerated vocal yells my mother gives at home on a daily basis... and the being broke all the time... life is GOOD! for now.. troubles are gonna come our way, but as long as we're prepared, it'll be okay.. HEY that rhymed! I hope God knows how much i APPRECIATE him and LOVE him and am SOO THANKFUL for everything he has given me even though i dont express it as much as i should!

So thanks SO much for reading, thanks for caring! I love you ALLL! <33
-Ashh

I Still Live With The Side Effects

So i'm finally home from that long drawn out trip of mine from Buffalo. Remember how i had to wait @ the JFK airport for so long? Well it paid off cause i got bumped up to first class! I was in seat 2A. It was great! You get so spoiled lol. This guy that worked there was nice enough to upgrade me outta nowhere! :)

So im back to this place called home. I really can't stand my mother. She is driving me to the point of insanity. So manipulative. All she is after is the money i DON'T have. WTF. Ugh i can't even blog about it cause it makes me mad. I'm pretty sure im gonna be in my room for the majority of the time. I have no intention of seeing anyone here. I miss my friends in Buffalo! I wish i was living up there. Everything was so
carefree. I need a plan. A plan for my life.

*sigh* So i was just about to cry and my mother knocks on the door to show me a singing snowman on a piano. wtf. That shit is not even cute! Why can't i ever be happy? Like seriously if i did something to deserve all this then let me know what it was so i can freaking repent! It's just not fair. Not fair for anyone and it sucks.

I need a job. I cannot be without a job. I can't be stuck in this house forever. Plus i got bills to pay. *sigh* there is not much else i can say or do. Just wait patiently.

<3 Ashh